If Life Suddenly Flashed Before Your Eyes...
How would you feel? Would an overwhelming sensation of gratitude and joy wash over you, or would regret cloud your conscience?
I grew up believing that a video montage of my life will flash before my eyes as death approaches; as a result, I lived in fear of regret. This fear of regret fueled some of the greatest decisions in my life: moving abroad to Italy, changing careers, and backpacking South America. Another big decision sits on the horizon, but we’ll save that update for a later time… 😉
As I grow older and step more into my healing journey, I realize the replay I fear most is not a lack of experience, but of growth. I can move through life in the way society expects me to—education, career, marriage, and family—but the visual montage of my accomplishments will not cause me distress; instead, the potential holes within these experiences—an unfulfilling career, a loveless marriage, tumultuous relationships with my children—create opportunities for the regret I live in fear of. As I heal, I realize all of the “accomplishments” society expects me to pursue mean nothing if I cannot access them through conscious, intentional effort and a regulated nervous system.
For example: my career is not fulfilling if it is built around a way of life that I despise; my marriage is not sustainable if my partner and I don’t exchange empathy during conflict; my title as a mother is wasted if I cannot support my children physically, mentally, and emotionally.
Healing sharpens perspective as I advance through the stages of life. New stages—or “seasons,” as I like to call them—of life are simply new opportunities for growth, and opportunity to reflect on all that I’ve accomplished thus far. This reframe contributed to the greatest evolution in my Self relationship; I let go of the timelines society has placed on me and welcomed new, fulfilling experiences that simply felt good for me in the moment. As a result, I experienced the replay I previously lived in fear of every time I entered a new season—yet I was able to cherish the wave of emotion as it washed over me instead of facing regret.
Painful memories, like those of my abusive relationship, in addition to recollections of my childhood that lacked warmth and empathy, did not stir up unwanted emotion. Instead, I reflected on the growth that occurred after these difficult moments: learning to communicate my needs and assert myself in relationships; setting boundaries with family members to protect my peace; severing relationships that caused more harm than good. I also felt flooded with an overwhelming sense of pride knowing I’ve accomplished so much despite the hardship I’ve faced.
My seasons of life are marked by the doors that close throughout my journey. As the saying goes, “When one door closes, another opens.” I exited a “self-sacrificing” season when I walked away from my last relationship; I’ve since entered a stronger, more assertive season of life filled with authenticity, communication, and genuine connection. I am pursuing choices that align more with my authentic Self and working my way through a series of “firsts” that will disrupt the sense of complacency I felt in my previous season. Since ending my relationship, I…
Left New York City and the comfort of having a permanent address
Traveled to a new continent (South America) for the first time
Pushed myself to new heights: sand boarding, spending the holidays alone, and swimming with sea life
Confronted a shadow part that seems to dictate my patterns of thought, emotion, and behavior in and out of relationships
Within these new experiences, I’ve…
Celebrated emotional growth
Gained new friendships
Learned to communicate my thoughts and emotions in relationships
Walked away from a new relationship that didn’t align with my values
The growth I’ve experienced in just a few short months—four, to be exact—feels monumental. It feels deeper and more connected to my authentic Self than the bulk of healing after my abusive relationship did. I attribute this to deepening my understanding of the Self and making conscious choices that resonate on a daily basis.
I want others to experience this same connectedness, which is why I decided to postpone enrollment for Spiritually Self-Aware, a membership-based community for individuals seeking growth through self-awareness. I am so grateful for the preliminary group of like-minded humans that joined me in early February; you all have provided valuable insight into what is truly needed in this space: stability, support, and patience within a process of gradual growth.
My ego tends to take over when I begin to pursue a new idea. The Spiritually Self-Aware group is a perfect example of this pattern: I experienced my own growth and self-awareness, wanted others to share this experience, but neglected to realize that it took years for my consciousness to expand to the level that I operate on today. And that is the beauty of the healing journey.
I cannot share my “expertise” with others in hopes of you all joining me on this journey. You are the expert of your journey. The best I can do is support you in the process by validating your experiences, sharing empathy, and cheering you on from the sidelines.
Coming up:
✨ A slower, more refined version of Spiritually Self-Aware: a membership-based community for like-minded humans seeking support and guidance on their individual journeys. Members gain access to:
Daily questions for self-reflection that foster awareness and intuition.
Exclusive access to the member group chat for ongoing community and reflective conversation.
Weekly intuition-enhancing resources, like guided meditations, mantras, and journal prompts.
Enrollment will open in March for the April 1st membership. No, this is not an April fools’ joke 🥲
Available now:
🌶 The 30-Day Relationship Upgrade e-course is available at a 10% discount to subscribers if you enroll by March 1st using code 10SUBSCRIBERS. This course will transform your relationship by:
Strengthening foundational skills needed for effective communication
Learning to negotiate needs and compromise to enhance conflict resolution
Reinforcing connectedness and nurturing emotional intimacy