Q&A: If You Can't Choose Between Two People, Neither of Them Are For You
If you struggle to narrow in on the partner you want, then you are likely not sure of who you’re looking for in the first place.
Q: How do you know who is right for you when you are seeing two people and have to choose one of them?
If you are seeing two people and you are unsure who is “right” for you, then neither of them are right for you. Visualize your “ideal relationship,” notice what qualities this person embodies, and date with purpose. If you struggle to narrow in on the partner you want, then you are likely not sure of who you’re looking for in the first place.
Q: I’m a 42 year old woman with a 22 year old man wanting to get to know me/interested, who I get on with well. Enjoy it? Or avoid?
I can’t answer this question for you simply based on age. If you are concerned about the number, dive deeper into messaging you’ve internalized around age.
Q: Hubby asked for divorce with no warning and after a year of refusing therapy. Four months since the start [of the divorce] and two weeks since finalizing it. Fought so hard for marriage. Taken time to process and been going to therapy. I feel ready to date, but not for committed relationship. Feel guilty that I’m ready. Too soon?
Not too soon! If you feel ready, go for it. You know best. Trust your intuition.
We often detach from partners long before the separation occurs. You might have moved on emotionally before the start of the divorce. Continue to process and learn from your past marriage in therapy while you date.
Q: Parent versus peer dynamics in marriage: male partner takes more of the “parent” role (reminding partner to do things, car, finance related). Is this common?
Common versus uncommon is subjective. Societal gender norms impact relationships, but we are not beholden to these norms, and we are entitled to operate in a way that works best for the relationship. Talk to your partner. Discuss expectations, roles, boundaries, etc., and make decisions together with regard to who is expected to fulfill specific duties within the relationship.
Have a question?
Every week, I answer Q’s about dating, relationships, sex, and mental health in a live series called Coffee Q's on IG stories. Tune in every Thursday at 9am EST on @lauracaruso.therapy.
Note: I open up a link for followers to submit anonymous questions every Wednesday. The link is shared to my story every week.