How Does The Inside of Your Brain Feel?
Have you created a space that feels calm and safe, or does your mind typically feel a bit more chaotic? I call mine the "collective calm." Here's why:
Every season of life is yet another opportunity for growth, but I’m tired of growth. The turn of the new year sent me spiraling into an internal frame of mind, craving aspects of life that align most with stillness and peace. The difference, though, is I’m not fighting this shift; and—for the first time in my life—I feel content.
I truly believe happiness is created within contentment. It is in this space of neutral calm that we allow ourselves to feel alive. We embrace the broad spectrum of emotion as we turn inward, notice the sensations in our bodies, and make active choices as to whether or not we want to “fix” them. True contentment is accepting our emotions as they are without needing to adjust them.
I am tired of adjusting myself to meet the needs of others. I am tired—period. My greatest chapter of growth thus far has been accepting myself as I am and finding contentment within, regardless of how unhappy or unwilling I am that day. It’s a slow and gentle growth; one that I feel capable of embracing even on some of my most difficult days. Why? Because it’s for me.
My perspectives on love, relationships, and dating have shifted as a result. I no longer accept love from others who do not—or rather, cannot—accept me. I am a culmination of my thoughts, moods, and energies; it is unrealistic to expect that I will be more happy than sad, or more positive than negative. Life does not exist in the binary. My season of acceptance and contentment embodies a spectrum of existence that creates space for my humanity. This spectrum released decades of shame I’ve carried with me as a result of feedback from others who complained about my unhappiness, or my “glass half empty” perspective.
I realize, now, that my daily moods and perspectives are a mirror of the people I surround myself with most. Those who noticed my glass was always empty often did so after they had poured half of it out. Others who shamed me for my unhappiness were consistently moody themselves, yet blamed me for “dragging them down.”
The internal nature of this season of acceptance embraces feelings of warmth and neutrality. There are no such things as “too unhappy” or “too negative” within the collective calm. I call it the “collective calm” because I bounce back faster and spend far more time in a neutral state of mind with an acceptance mentality than I did in my “glass half empty” perspective. Life was always “too little” or “too much” when I lived within the binary.
Now, I pursue relationships that embrace acceptance of what is. I view love as a choice to accept someone for who they truly are, without wanting to change them. Within this mentality exists a feeling of helplessness that causes my inner control freak to scream. There are also hints of shame, embarrassment, and regret for the many times I’ve tried to soothe my own internal dysregulation by the means of controlling partners in past relationships: I’ve tried (mostly without success) to alter others’ perceptions of me to manipulate them into loving me more, when I should have just accepted they could not love me in the ways that I needed to be loved. I cannot change others to meet my own needs. I have to fulfill those needs within, which is why I created the collective calm—an internal space in which I feel most at-ease and prepared to recharge—so I can re-enter my relationships with the confidence to communicate and set healthy boundaries.
Where do you go when you enter your own internal world? Does it feel like a collective calm, or does it feel a bit disorganized? How can you reshape this internal world to better meet your needs?
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Daily questions for self-reflection that foster awareness and intuition.
Weekly livestreams, where I will answer questions from the group that come up throughout the self-exploration process.
Intuition-enhancing resources, like guided meditations, mantras, and journal prompts.
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