Should I Fire My Therapist?
Green Flags to Look For Before Calling It Quits, and Questions to Ask a New Therapist During Consultation
An all-or-nothing mentality, also known as black-and-white thinking or dichotomous thinking, is a cognitive distortion or pattern of thought where a person perceives things in extreme, polarized terms without acknowledging or considering the middle ground or shades of gray. It involves viewing situations, events, or people as either entirely good or entirely bad, with no room for nuance or complexity.
Within the context of therapy, there is no such thing as a good or bad therapist—therapy is a highly individualized process, and what works for one person may not work for another. If you are questioning whether you are benefitting from treatment, it can be helpful to discuss your concerns with your therapist, consider exploring alternative approaches, or seeking a second opinion from a different therapist. However, I generally advise you look for the following “green flags” before jumping ship and moving on to another therapist:
Increased self-awareness: Therapy often helps individuals gain a deeper understanding of their thoughts, emotions, behaviors, and patterns. If you find yourself becoming more self-aware and gaining insights into your own experiences, it indicates progress. Self-awareness tends to show up as sudden “aha” moments, new ways of thinking about old topics, and repressed memories drifting into consciousness.
Improved coping skills: Your therapist should be teaching you new strategies to better regulate your nervous system and manage emotions. These “tools” help you navigate stress. If you notice that you are better able to handle difficult situations, regulate your emotions, or engage in healthier coping mechanisms, it suggests that therapy is making a positive impact.
Enhanced problem-solving abilities: As therapy progresses, individuals often develop better problem-solving skills. They may become more adept at identifying solutions, making decisions, and implementing positive changes in their lives. You might also notice yourself considering multiple perspectives instead of doubling down on your own thought process when in conflict with others.
Reduction in symptoms: If therapy targets specific symptoms related to a mental health condition, a reduction in those symptoms can indicate progress. This might include a decrease in anxiety, depression, intrusive thoughts, or other distressing symptoms.
Improved relationships: Therapy can positively impact interpersonal dynamics and communication skills. If you notice improvements in your relationships, such as better conflict resolution, increased empathy, or healthier boundaries, it suggests that therapy is having a positive influence.
Increased motivation and engagement in sessions: Progress in therapy often leads to increased motivation, engagement, and a willingness to actively participate in the therapeutic process. If you find yourself more committed to attending sessions, completing homework assignments, or applying therapeutic techniques in your daily life, it indicates that therapy is working for you.
Increased motivation and engagement outside of sessions: Relief in mental health symptoms typically results in an increase in motivation and engagement in daily life. By addressing underlying issues, therapy can alleviate psychological burdens that may be draining motivation and hindering engagement. You might notice you are more social or willing to work with others, or want to participate in activities more than you did prior to therapy.
Achieving therapy goals: Setting goals is an essential aspect of therapy. If you are making progress toward your therapy goals and achieving the desired outcomes you established with your therapist, it suggests that therapy is effective for you.
It's important to remember that therapy is a collaborative process, and the effectiveness of therapy may vary depending on the individual and the therapeutic approach used. A skilled therapist tailors the therapy to the individual's needs, providing personalized strategies and support to enhance motivation and promote active engagement in daily life.
Therapy is also a gradual process, and progress may not always be linear. It's important to discuss your observations and concerns with your therapist to ensure that you are on the right track and to make any necessary adjustments to your treatment plan.
When searching for a therapist, it's important to consider the qualities and characteristics that indicate a good fit and a positive therapeutic relationship. Here are some green flags to look for in a therapist:
Strong rapport and connection: If you are meeting with a therapist for the first time, can you imagine yourself connecting with them in the long-term? You should generally feel comfortable, understood, and heard during your interactions with the therapist. A therapist who establishes a strong rapport and creates a safe, non-judgmental space can contribute to a positive therapeutic relationship. Something to note: therapy is uncomfortable. Ask yourself, “Is my discomfort a natural result of the therapeutic process, or does my therapist make me feel uncomfortable?”
Look for a therapist who has the appropriate credentials, certifications, and training in the specific areas you seek help with. A competent therapist will have the knowledge and expertise to provide effective treatment. Ask the therapist to explain the therapeutic frameworks they practice from. Also, ask them if they’ve worked with clients in the past who’ve dealt with issues that are similar to your own, and how they approached these issues during treatment.
Empathy and understanding: A therapist who demonstrates empathy, compassion, and understanding can create a supportive and validating environment. They should show genuine care for your well-being and be able to understand your experiences from your perspective.
Respect for your autonomy and values: A good therapist respects your autonomy and values, recognizing that you are the expert on your own life. They should collaborate with you, rather than imposing their own beliefs or agenda, and involve you in the treatment planning process. Ask the therapist how they would navigate a situation in which they disagreed with a client.
Ethical and professional conduct: A reputable therapist adheres to professional ethics, maintains appropriate boundaries, and ensures confidentiality. They should provide a clear explanation of their policies, informed consent, and address any concerns related to ethical considerations. Your therapist is not your friend. They should not text you regularly or encourage you to text them, unless it is an emergency. Also, your therapist should not engage in lengthy conversation with you outside of session. Therapy is reserved for sessions only. If an additional session is needed, the therapist should ask you to schedule at your convenience. Ask the therapist about their communication policy outside of sessions.
Continual learning and growth: A therapist who engages in ongoing professional development, stays informed about current research, and seeks opportunities for growth demonstrates a commitment to providing quality care. Look for indications that they are invested in their own learning and improving their practice. Ask them about a recent training they attended and how it benefits them in their work with clients. The mental health field evolves simultaneously with society, which means the learning never ends, regardless of how many years of experience a therapist may have. In fact, if a therapist has practiced for 10 years but their most recent clinical training was nearly five years ago, you can assume they are not up-to-date on modern research and interventions. Licensed therapist are required to complete continuing education to renew their license to practice.
Collaborative goal setting: A good therapist involves you in setting therapy goals and regularly checks in on progress. They should work collaboratively with you to develop a treatment plan that aligns with your objectives and adjusts it as needed. A strong therapist will regularly guide you in reflecting on your progress and discuss ways to improve treatment.
Remember that finding the right therapist is a personal process, and what works for one person may not work for another. Trust your instincts and take your time to find a therapist who meets your specific needs and with whom you feel comfortable and supported.
Want to stay up-to-date?
🔗 Follow @lauracaruso.therapy on Instagram and subscribe to my blog.
Ready to start your mental health journey?
🖥️ I work 1:1 with clients who struggle with dating, relationships, and mental health. I currently have a few openings. If you are interested, let me know here.